Flesh and Soul
I am in a rut of my life where I am being pulled by both my flesh and my spirit and I am being stretched in every angle by each of the subjects gathering. I find myself seeking desires of this world, to fuel my flesh and earthly desires. I find myself envisioning my future and what it could be, what I think I want it to be. On the contrary, I find myself putting a CD into the tray in my vehicle and listening to David Platt speak truth that makes me weep. I desire to seek God and wisdom and give up everything for him. I am reminded of Luke 16, which says, “No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.” The term money could be a variable that can be traded with anything that your heart is set on.
I can listen to a secular song and be totally into that and everything in the world. And then I can listen to an old gospel hymn and ask myself and God what my deal is and wonder why I am even having this frustration and this battle. I thought I was over it, but I am not. The devil is out there and he is relentless. Thankfully, God is just as relentless and He will not lose.
This is my first Christmas away from home and I’m slightly indifferent. Family is important to me, but so was the church that moved me back to Florida in the first place. That statement mixed with the idea that I am tight on money with paying my loans makes it difficult for me to get anywhere. I do have plans to see my Uncle and his wife in a town just north of Tampa on Christmas Day for a few hours, but other than that I will be at my home in Orlando enjoying life and hopefully appreciating the true meaning of Christmas, or what is left of it.
On a slightly more uplifting note, I got to see incredible friends this last weekend. My friends, Aaron, Lori, and Rachel were all down here and we spent the weekend together hanging out and enjoying a few days at Disney. Being with the three of them reminded me of a time not too long ago with great friends hanging out and life being enjoyable; happy. Those friends that you have that transcends beyond time. I miss those friendships and I don’t think I have many of those here. I have friends. I have good friends. It’s just hard when my mind wants to compare them to friends that I love and can say that I love.
There is a time and a place for everything and life is a large container of seasons that allow you to experience such an array of events from birth until death.