[See post to listen to audio]

So often I find myself having certain characteristic that people have, whether they be real or imaginary. I don’t know if this is something that everyone ponders, but it happens to me a lot. It isn’t a lack of self-esteem but I see something in someone and I want it. I can’t be satisfied with who I am and that I am unique and created by God. It may sound ridiculous, but I even find myself wanting what characters in television shows have. Of course their perfect or have this amazing knack to themselves, because they were created by a mind. Whether it be an insane amount of smarts, logic, and quick-thinking, or another character that can’t seem to hold emotions for people. [It sounds bad, but part of me wants that]

What makes a life unique? I received a message from someone on Facebook the other day. The person was asking for photography advice. They were just starting to pick up a camera and came to me to ask for simple advice on how/where to start. Looking back, I think I failed in my response to them. I failed in the sense that I don’t think they wanted the answer that I gave them. It’s so easy to give advice and not leave any of it for yourself.

I gave the answer to follow your dreams. It’s a broken record coming out of my mouth, but so many times people think their lives aren’t perfect or will ever amount to someone that can do something big and drastic. Ghandi got it right when he said to “be the change you want to see in the world.” It’s more than that; you first need to start off knowing that you are capable of being change and being an effective key in life and the world. Sure, you may not fly like Superman and have keen hearing to filter all the bad things going on in the world so you can save the day. Thankfully, you’re not crippled by kryptonite, though no matter who you are, a stab wound will inhibit you to some degree.

I think we all need a little inspiration and motivation sometimes. I think we sometimes need to feel human. To cry and feel pain and suffering, to experience physical pain and know we are humans with boundaries, to embrace a friend and hold them close to feel the warmth beaming off of them and onto you, to feel a heartbeat and know you’re not alone. We’re not robots in the world living a monotonous life, so turn off auto-pilot and live. Tell someone how you feel about them. Do that one thing that will make be judged, not to be judged or stand out, but to remove the concern of other’s perceptions and follow your heart to do what you love. Don’t let the laws of society creep in and affect the way you live. Don’t let doubt and pessimism make you think you aren’t capable of doing something. Some people have an easier start or are more natural at something, but that doesn’t mean that didn’t work hard to get where they were.

For what it’s worth, do what you love and don’t hold back feelings. Be judged for truly living.

I want you faithful few readers to know I am alive and that I desire to update you all on life and things to come. For now I must sleep, for tomorrow starts a busy day.

The plan is to start the drive back in seven days. My trip consists of going to New Orleans, Jackson, Chattanooga, Nashville, and end in Tulsa. I am not sure how many days it will take, assuming that all goes well and my vehicle doesn’t die on me. It could be three days, it could be five, it could be longer; who knows.

I am looking forward to this roadtrip for several reasons. A few to name are, breaking the monotony that is my life, traveling (though little distance) photography, self-understanding, enjoy myself and alone time. Next time I post on this will more than likely be when I am back in Tulsa and have unpacked a few things.

Until then.

I am moving back to Tulsa, Oklahoma at the end of this month (August). My mind is a whirlwind of thoughts and ideas, but that is all it will ever be. I change my mind on a daily basis, still, but I know this to be certain; that something is changing in my life in the next thirty days.

Rachel graduated yesterday and had people over to her house. It was enjoyable talking to people, learning information about the Arctic Circle, and eventually listening to her older brother and his wife talk. Her older brother, from what I gather, has recently lived in Trinidad and visited other countries in Europe. He emphasized how mobile we are at our age and how he wants us all to go out and explore the world while we can. I can’t lie, he was so inspiring from the few things he spoke of Europe as well as the crazy stories from Trinidad and their “Carnival” event they have once a year. It’s fascinating to hear someone speak who has been places in life and experienced things.

I was talking to a coworker at work the other day who is in his late 50s and I asked him if he could say one thing to a group of a thousand young adults, what would it be. He responded with a long answer, but summarized it at the end with, “Follow your dreams.” I gave my two weeks at work and am starting the movement that will start something new, another chapter in my life.

I am both excited and terrified for what is to come of the future, but until then, I change the page.

My dreams recently have been quite, daunting. In the past three weeks I’ve had dreams that involved me in a bathroom looking at myself in a mirror. Two of them were the exact same in which I would see myself, look away, then see myself again but this time when I was a few years younger. It’s acting as if my past is haunting me. The other dream with the bathroom included a demon coming up from behind me and killing me. Another recent dream involved me sitting on cement and spotting a snake coming after me. I get up in time and end up stepping on it accidentally. After I step on it, layers of the snakes skin just start falling off; makes no sense. Last night had me dreaming that I was in a vehicle that was in a car accident. When the authorities came over, they asked who was driving since I was in the back seat. Logic had me know that I couldn’t explain that I was driving, despite being in the backseat. That being said and knowing this argument wasn’t valid, I simply shrugged my shoulders. I took that last dream in the sense of, “you’re life is out of control and you aren’t sure who is in charge, but you know you are the sole responsible person that SHOULD be.”

[See post to listen to audio]

My favorite Coldplay song and it’s not an easy one to find. Quite obviously called Such A Rush. Awhile ago I obtained practically every single piece of work that Chris Martin and the group has worked on (so I’m told). For example, this is a live recording of them at concert perhaps in between songs and Chris starts singing Barbie Girl. [See post to listen to audio] The song Such A Rush is on their Safety EP which was released in 1999

I mentioned in my previous post that my Macbook Pro died on me. It wouldn’t stay on long enough for the people at the Apple store to even run a diagnostics. This left me with the choice of spending $1,250 to fix everything, or doing nothing with it and buying a new one. I figured the best thing to do would be option B, but with more options.

Hopefully by the end of next week I’ll have ordered an iMac. Looking at the pricing and specs for the Macbook Pro and the iMac I realize it’d be a good long-term investment if I didn’t get a system that I had potential to drop again. Alongside that, the iMac is cheaper with specs that are two to three times better.

I move out and into a house downtown. While I am excited, it is only for a month and I have to figure out what the next step in my life is. I am still looking for a job out in LA, but won’t pass by a job anywhere else in the USA. Perhaps questions will be answered and I’ll start to get an idea of what the plan is. Until then, I do what I can.

I tried all the steps possible several times and still no luck. For those of you that are curious, there are at least 12 steps that you can go through to try and reset your computer and make sure it works. While having that many steps is nice, it didn’t solve the problem. The last step was to call Apple and schedule an appointment, which I did rather quickly. I showed up the same day and had them take a look. Since I dropped my laptop a year and a half ago and got a decently sized side dent as a result, Apple technicians say that it’s going to be a bad case to say that something malfunctioned as a result of hardware failure. What it comes down to is the dent will be to blame for everything, even if the hardware failed on it’s own. The problem with my computer is that it won’t even stay on long enough for them to run a diagnostic. The price for a general fix on everything is $1,250. The guy I spoke with said it’d be a better investment to purchase a new one since my laptop is two years old.

Being out my Macbook Pro inhibits me from having a consistent source that allows me to edit video and photography. I am currently on my Windows PC that my father and I built in 2008 and I am grateful to have it, but I don’t have the software installed on this computer for a Windows-based platform.

I don’t know where this, my life, is going. Surely, things are happening for a reason and I need to understand and think straight as to what it may be. Perhaps this is God’s way of speaking to me or allowing change to happen. Or, it could just be that it died and I’m out a few thousand dollars. All being said, my fund for a new Canon 5D mk ii is now out of the picture and that fund turns into one for a new computer.

I’ve let apathy and distance allow me not to be completely affected by the situation, but at the same time as I look at it and know the cost of it, I only wonder why it won’t work and why it’s so expensive to replace.

My roommate Boyd has been talking to me and instilled in my mind a small thought and desire to move to California with him at the end of the year. It’s too far away to be sure of anything right now, but I am looking for opportunity out there. For now I’ll sit on it and have the big man upstairs help me out. Until then, I move at the beginning of August to a house near downtown which is great. That lease ends in October and I don’t have anything set in stone after that. There is potential and only time will tell.

I’m sitting here at my place at the dining room table on a Saturday night and I am quite alright with it. My roommates are both back in Georgia for the reason of being on Summer Break at school. With them gone, and Rachel down in South Florida, I realize the fact of the matter that I have few great friends. Quality over quantity, right? Work has been draining, physically, and I enjoy being able to lay down on a couch, turn on the television, and tune out of this world. I only have so much of that time before I tell myself that I need to be learning and doing research with photography, freelance work, job searching, location scouting, budget making and much more. Self-discipline has increased exponentially since I’ve moved here, especially these past few months. Here’s to another few great months of freedom before the nets of loan repayment are cast on me and I am held underwater as my life goes by and I one day reach the white surface of freedom that is the ending of life.

I think this song so rightly carries the right mood and mindset of what we as humans should all contain. The whole album, I established, is such a proclamation.

Muse – Invincible

Follow through
Make your dreams come true
Don’t give up the fight
You will be all right
Cause there’s no one like you
In the universe

Don’t be afraid
What your mind conceals
You should make a stand
Stand up for what you believe
And tonight we can truly say
Together we’re invincible

And during the struggle
They will pull us down
But please, please let’s use this chance to
Turn things around
And tonight we can truly say
Together we’re invincible

Do it on your own
Makes no difference to me
What you leave behind
What you choose to be
and whatever they say
Your soul’s unbreakable

And during the struggle
They will pull us down
But please, please let’s use this chance to
Turn things around
And tonight we can truly say
Together we’re invincible
Together we’re invincible

And during the struggle
They will pull us down
Please, please let’s use this chance to
Turn things around
And tonight we can truly say
Together we’re invincible

Just got back from a Tuesday Night Dinner, something our group of friends established over a year ago in which we all come together with ingredients for a meal and have community together. The talk of the night was Twilight and Prison Break. We had lasagna as the main meal followed by a quick drive to Jeremiah’s for some frozen yogurt. That being said now I am here at home by myself.

I don’t mean to elaborate on too much of the simplicity of my life because I know it can be quite boring reading about the monotony, but I’ll try to spice it up. That being said, I went to work today and got to experience GOP, which is the General Operating Procedures. We explored all the back roads of the park and see what it takes to run the place. That in itself was interesting. I can’t elaborate too much for safety reasons that I agreed to when I signed my life away. [sarcasm on the signing the life away] One of the greatest things that I’ve experience in my life was to interact with a dolphin.

I had never been near one until today and had only seen them from afar and thought the looked like the robot dinosaurs at Universal Studios. Being able to simply pet the dolphin was astounding. Naturally I am around dogs and cats which isn’t too big of a deal. But to be around a several hundred pound mammal that lived underwater was quite extraordinary. The whole day was an eye opener for me in the world of underwater creatures. With the interaction of the dolphins, swimming in the coral reef, and being in a pool area with sting rays was both intimidating and great. It definitely took some layers of my pessimistic outlook on the deep sea and made me interested to see what else is out there. I’m still terrified of sharks though, but who isn’t?

Life goes well with a job and steady pay coming in. Work is fun for now. I don’t say this just to try and look good as an employee, but I do recommend to anyone the experience that is Discovery Cove. The resort itself is beautiful and so far from anything that you could think would be in America. Definitely a great experience to take part in.

Work has been good so far. I found myself eyes half open today. What would you expect while sitting in a small conference room with three other people watching a presentation about money and cash registers. It wasn’t bad, but it didn’t help that I was tired from the previous night. We were shown how to identify fraudulent bills. It’s amazing what the US government has gone through to make it’s currency as safe as possible. Kudos to the adaptation of money changing throughout the years.

Worked on two shoots over the last two days. Both of them happened to be with a friend, Dana Roquemore. She started and runs what is called Other Peoples Property, a clothing company that sets aside money from every purchase to help charities such as the Haiti Relief. That being said, her clothing is pretty unique and quite fascinating. Check it out in your free time!